We are all very good at imagining the worst ‘what if…’ scenarios when we start worrying:
What if she doesn’t like me?
What if my assignment isn’t good enough?
What if I lose my job?
What if I get sick?
Human beings have a negatively bias and we are often harshly self-critical, saying things to ourselves that are not true and we would never say to anyone else: “I am not good enough” or “I am unlovable” or “I am unworthy” or “I am useless”.
Underneath these negative thoughts our true identity is a compassionate self, inherently worthy and loveable. Our subconscious knows our true state and if we can counter some of the untrue negative thoughts and beliefs, we can start to shine as the best version of ourselves and feel more positive about the future.
Working with self-beliefs – affirmations don’t work!
Very many books and videos tell us that we can become better through repeating affirmations:
For instance, I am beautiful; I am worthy; I am light; I am healed; I am good enough.
You probably notice that you have a subconscious resistance, an inner voice suggesting otherwise. No matter how many times we repeat the affirmation, it doesn’t really feel true in our heart of hearts.
What the subconscious DOES love is a question.
“What if I am worthy? or if that is too hard, “What if part of me is worthy?, or “What if I can start to feel worthy?”
If you have supported a person to resolve a past trauma, or difficult life situation, then they may be ready to discover a strengthened self-belief. While continuously applying the soothing touch, ask the person to repeat out loud, a number of times, something like, “What if I am good enough?”
Ask the person to be curious. They don’t have to believe the question, just consider the possibility. Ask how the question feels to them. If the feeling is positive and has a sense of expansion, then you might be able to suggest a stronger question, “What if I am more than good enough?“
Be playful. Try different questions. Ask how it feels to the person.
Notice that the phrase “What if I am worthy?” has three meanings:
1. Who is worthy? “I am worthy” (ask the person to emphasise the “I” when they speak the phrase).
2. Is this true? Yes, so emphasise the second word, “I am worthy.”
3. What are you? Worthy! So emphasie the third word, “I am worthy!”
Using this process, you can play around with any personal self-belief and see them strengthen with the support of somatic compassion.
Working with possibilities in the world
To counter our negativity bias, we can use positive “What if …?” questions. Scan the list and find ones that resonate with the person you are working with. Ask them to repeat the phrase a number of times, with a sense of curiousity and possibility. Here’s 50 suggestions created by ChatGPT:
(Download a printable page of questions)
- What if I am already more capable than I realise?
- What if I am surrounded by opportunities and just need to start noticing them?
- What if I am stronger than I’ve been telling myself?
- What if the people around me see my strengths even when I don’t?
- What if things are already falling into place, even if I can’t see it yet?
- What if I am already good enough, just as I am?
- What if my intuition has been guiding me all along?
- What if I have already overcome the hardest part?
- What if I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be right now?
- What if life is quietly working in my favour?
- What if I’ve been making progress without even realising it?
- What if I already have the answers I’m looking for within me?
- What if I’m closer to my goals than I think?
- What if I’m already worthy of love and success?
- What if the universe is aligning to support me?
- What if I have natural gifts that I haven’t fully recognised yet?
- What if people already appreciate me more than I realise?
- What if I’ve already done enough to deserve rest and peace?
- What if I’ve been growing through every experience, even the hard ones?
- What if I am already deserving of happiness?
- What if I am exactly the kind of person someone is looking to support?
- What if my story already matters and inspires others?
- What if I am more loved than I know?
- What if I have the resources I need, but haven’t noticed them yet?
- What if there’s a reason for everything that’s happened to me?
- What if I’ve already succeeded in ways I haven’t acknowledged yet?
- What if people are silently cheering me on?
- What if I am naturally resilient and resourceful?
- What if joy and abundance are already flowing toward me?
- What if I’ve been preparing for this moment all along?
- What if I am already capable of handling anything that comes my way?
- What if others see my potential even when I don’t?
- What if I’ve already made a positive impact on the world?
- What if I am already equipped with everything I need to thrive?
- What if my best qualities are shining, even when I don’t notice them?
- What if everything I need is already on its way to me?
- What if I’ve already unlocked the door to my next big opportunity?
- What if I am naturally more courageous than I’ve been giving myself credit for?
- What if my future is brighter than I could ever imagine?
- What if I’ve already inspired someone just by being myself?
- What if my dreams are more achievable than I think?
- What if I’ve already started healing without realising it?
- What if my presence alone is enough to make a difference?
- What if I have more reasons to feel hopeful than I’ve considered?
- What if people are more kind and supportive than I expect?
- What if the solutions I need are already nearby?
- What if I am naturally capable of thriving in uncertainty?
- What if everything is unfolding perfectly for me?
- What if I already have the strength to overcome this moment?
- What if I’ve been on the right path all along?