So you have learned what somatic compassion is, the neuroscience of how it can support healing, and how to do safe touch. Let’s jump right in and learn the first method of somatic compassion.
Method 1. Using personal strengths.
We’re going to illustrate it with a story…
Jessica and Sarah are friends in their local community. Sarah shared with Jessica the painful story of an event at work when she was humiliated by her boss in front
of her work colleagues. This event has caused Sarah to lose confidence, to feel that her work will never be good enough, and to feel anxious and depressed. She used to love her job but now she dreads going into work each day.
Sarah tells Jessica that she would like some help with this issue and they agree to use somatic compassion. Jessica and Sarah sit in upright chairs facing each other but with Jessica positioned to Sarah’s right hand side so that Sarah has open space in front of her (challenging life events often create a sense of being trapped or powerless, which we want to avoid). Jessica asks permission to demonstrate soothing stroke to both of her Sarah’s upper arms, and soothing strokes on the sides of her face. Sarah gives her assent.
As the session begins, Jessica starts the soothing touch to Sarah’s arms and face while asking her to relay the story of the humiliating experience with her boss. Jessica has a compassionate presence and she empathises with Sarah’s distress and validates her feelings. At the same time, the soothing touch is helping Sarah to regulate her nervous system, to diminish her painful feelings – although she initially sheds a few tears – and to have a clear mind. Jessica asks Sarah to remember the most distressing moment of the encounter and to freeze that image in her mind.
While still continuing the soothing touch, Jessica then steps into a strengths-based approach and asks Sarah to tell her a story of when she was at her very best. She explains that Sarah might have been facing a particularly difficult situation or maybe she enhanced an already positive situation?
“This was a time,” she explains, “when you were expressing the qualities that made you feel the most authentic and energised. The experience made you feel proud and happy to be alive. Tell me a story of that day,” she instructs.
Sarah hesitates for a moment and then remembers a time she was volunteering at a summer camp, leading a group of young teenagers. As she tells the story, she becomes animated, her voice grows stronger, and she smiles and laughs with the memory. Jessica asks Sarah what personal qualities contributes to this success and validates her account of being creative, fun-making, connecting with the group, and feeling truly authentic in her pleasure of working with these young people.
Still continuing the soothing touch, Jessica then asks Sarah to go back to her image of the worst moment in the interaction with her boss and to notice what has changed. To Sarah’s surprise, in the new version of the scene her boss has shrunk and now looks like a weasel making ridiculous noises! In the new memory, her workmates are laughing at her boss and Sarah suddenly feels compassion for him.
She reframes the situation to realise that her boss was under a lot of stress and that his critical way of speaking to her came from his own sense of inadequacy and was nothing to do with her work performance.
Jessica asks her, “How do you feel about going to work now?”
“It doesn’t bother me now. I don’t know why I was getting so anxious and depressed! I can see my boss is under a lot of pressure and I have a potential solution to share with him.”
Unknown to Sarah, she has actually rewired a memory in her brain, which then changes her emotional and stress reactions to this situation, or similar situations. She is now able to go forward with a renewed sense of confidence.
Jessica is not a trained counsellor or therapist, just a friend. In a few minutes she learned how to do the soothing touch then she followed a simple protocol on a laminated card – including prompts for Sarah to share a story about when she was at her best. Jessica contributed her natural qualities of empathy, compassion and understanding. It was the first time she had ever tried Somatic compassion and both of them were thrilled with the result.
While a trained counsellor might use a very similar approach, without the benefit of the affective touch it would have been much harder for Sarah to transform her memory of the situation with her boss. The biological response to very hurtful events is often to freeze, to become helpless, to feel shame, and to experience cognitive impairment. Sarah said she just wanted to disappear into a hole in the ground when she was so humiliated by her boss.
When a memory like that is recalled, it reactivates in the mind and body all the stress responses, negative emotions and self-limiting beliefs experienced during the event, which together make the client feel helpless. That is why talk therapy, alone, often struggles to address very hurtful life events, which remain ‘stuck’ in the brain.
The magic of somatic compassion is that it rapidly regulates the nervous system, takes away the pain of negative feelings, frees up mental capacity, and facilitates a lightness of being and creativity that can transform difficult life events. Secondly, affective touch creates a form of slow brain waves, called Delta Waves, that are implicated in the re-wiring of memories.
Such a remarkable change – as in the experience of Sarah and Jesssica – might seem fanciful but in many years of work as trauma therapists we have seen hundreds of clients spontaneously transform their stories, let go of painful feelings and strengthen their core beliefs. The best magic happens when the practitioner steps back, forgets about the techniques they have been taught, make the sessions light-hearted, creative and playful, and allow spontaneous change to happen.
The bodymind is actually designed to heal, rapidly and easily, when we come together in loving connection that offers soothing touch, compassion, emotional support, playfulness, and a reminder of our innate strengths.
Not every encounter will be as dramatic as that experience by Jesssica and Sarah but there will always be positive change and further exploration of feelings, thoughts, beliefs and strengths – in the presence of soothing affective touch – will successively wash away the traces of past hurts.
The worst events in life are when we feel all alone with our painful feelings, not having a voice, not being heard or understood, and feeling powerless to escape the situation. Somatic compassion is the perfect antidote because the soothing affective touch produces a deep feeling of safety, connection and love, and the compassionate and validating presence of a friend allows one to feel understood and supported. These are the conditions that trigger the innate healing mechanisms in the brain. The process is also healing for the giver of the touch.
Conditions of use
Before attempting to use somatic compassion you must read the section on ‘Safe Touch‘ and read our ‘Terms and Conditions‘.
What are the methods offered within somatic compassion?
Method 1. Strengths method
Learn more about the Strengths method
Method 2. Mindful noticing of feelings
The person being supported is invited to notice their emotional and physical feelings and to name them by repeating the words out loud. This method helps to create a bridge between the person’s inner worlds and external reality and by acknowledging their feelings, increases self-awareness and self-compassion. Speaking the feelings out loud allows them to be released, rather than being caught up in endless ruminations.
Learn about Mindful noticing of feelings
Method 3. Supported dialogue
When we offer compassionate presence and affective touch, it creates an altered brain state in which the person becomes deeply reflective and insightful. They start to solve their own problems.
Learn about Supported Dialogue
Method 4. Positive questions
All of us have a negativity bias and we tend to find ourselves spiralling into worst-case scenarios and reinforcing our negative core beliefs, especially related to feeling helpless, unlovable and worthless. In the presence of somatic compassion, we can create a greater sense of possibility by the use of positive “What if…?” questions such as, “What if I am enough? What if I wasn’t actually stuck? What if am smarter than I realise? What if I am loveable?”
Learn about Positive questions
Method 5. Using metaphor
When people talk about their life difficulties, they often unconsciously use metaphor. People say, “I just ran into a brick wall” to express powerlessness, or “It feels like a big rock in my chest” to describe hurt, or “I feel caged in” to explain a feeling of being trapped. Metaphor is the language of the subconscious, which does not have words, only images and stories.
Learn about using Metaphor
Somatic compassion is not therapy!
None of these methods constitute ‘therapy’. All of them draw on the innate healing ability of the person being supported, the sense of safety, love and connection created by somatic compassion, and the playful creativity of the human brain in problem-solving and reframing situations.
As they all draw on innate human attributes, they are inherently safe and effective, unlike many treatments in the mainstream mental health system that are sometimes traumatising, damaging or are accompanied by serious side effects.
There are many other possibilities. Supported by somatic compassion, we have seen clients spontaneously create stories of elaborate healing rituals to address a past hurt, draw on angels, guardians, teachers and other spiritual figure to support their healing, positively reframe situations, and come to a place of compassion regarding a previous abuser. All of these things have occurred spontaneously, without guidance, just through gentle encouragement, compassionate presence, and healing touch.